Me. At least after what I've been through.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
