this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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