i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
