so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
