I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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