Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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