Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize