You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
