I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
