i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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