i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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