actually, I'm a sock model
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
