First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
