You work out of a Hotel?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
