I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
