so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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