Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
farters have to be the big spoon...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize