I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
