Sorry, I don't speak sober.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
