doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
