I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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