90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
