a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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