my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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