Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
