i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize