on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
