Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize