I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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