Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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