I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
