And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
