Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
