I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
