Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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