you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
