My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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