i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
