I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
