sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
