Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
