Just fell off a train. Bad.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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