youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
