I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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