Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
