A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
