ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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