yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
