The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I deserve this hangover.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
