What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
