i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
