I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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