it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
