I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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