ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
