apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
