Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
