Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
