My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize