She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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