Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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