Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize