batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
