Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I look better un-naked...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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