You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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