someone get that fucking seahorse.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
