if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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