i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
