i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize