Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
